2nd Expansion, PT, cold caps and chemo!
I had my 2nd expansion and a couple of PT appointments this week. The expansion was a couple of big needles and some boob stabbing - not pleasant and I have a couple tiny bruises and a ton of tightness and pressure but, I think we're almost there! My doctor said this might be the last, unless I want a bit more volume once this settles. So far, I'm comfortable with where things are and how they look, but it's also very hard to visualize the finished "product" when you have ZERO experience with plastic surgery or envisioning your own body parts in an entirely different way. I'm not going barbie style and am definitely attempting for the most natural outcome possible. My doctor has assured me that imperfections will be addressed in my final implant surgery, which will be scheduled once I'm done with chemo, so hopefully Fall/early Winter will allow for my implant swap. I never thought I'd have implants in my life and now I'm pretty damn giddy. These expanders SUUUUUUCK. Also, you know what's weird? The lack of cleavage. I cannot get cleavage happening in any way. Expanders do not move (AT ALL) and not only do I not need a bra for support, I cannot wear a cute bra that would really "do" anything in that region. So incredibly strange.
I somehow slept way, waaaaay wrong a few nights ago and had a seriously jacked up neck and upper back for the last couple of days, so my husband surprise "forced" me into an appointment with my chiropractor (who also happens to be my childhood friend/classmate) the other day, which was the absolute best. I was in a lot of pain and was finally able to get some relief. The whole area was worked out even more during PT today and I have a lot more range of motion in my neck without the pain radiating into my back. Also, bonus, I now don't have to move my entire body when I really just want to turn my head... so my boobs are back to being the only part of my body currently functioning like a robot.
Today's physical therapy vibes are brought to you by Liz, Matt and Rory VB and their amazing care package. This shirt brings me ALL the slay power and their love and thoughtfulness are so appreciated in every way. Thank you.
I have my port placement on Monday and my cold cap situation is now all set up - just waiting on scheduling my actual first chemo, which will be late next week or very early the next. My mom is SO generously gifting me the cold caps for my treatment, which is huge. HUGE. It's such a hard road and the financial burden is such a roller coaster. Some days I feel totally comfortable and other days I'm told I need EVERYTHING and it becomes overwhelming. This is something completely taken off my plate and I could not appreciate it more.
I'm so happy for our amazing insurance and my own situation and so incredibly saddened by all of the instances where $$$ just seems to make things far more bearable. It's a simple fact of life and it's not a new concept, but I am so fortunate that I have not needed for anything throughout this process. This is so NOT the case for so many women going through exactly what I'm going through.
I'm not sure how to do it, yet, but my goal would be to determine a way to gift things like cold cap therapy, wigs, prosthetics, small grants for co-pays and child care, etc. in order to allow for women dealing with something so incredibly inhumane to, somehow, feel a bit human. This is an absolutely gruesome road to go down, but feeling any bit like yourself or like any part of your dignity has been maintained is crucial.
Without going into incredible detail, I have come in contact with women whose insurance doesn't cover what my insurance covers, whose family and friends are not in the picture, who cannot maintain minimal weekly co-pays on a regular basis, who do not have the support that I do or the options of care providers that I have. I have seen a couple of bare synthetic extensions sewed to pantyhose as a wig, every item you can imagine being used as a breast prosthesis, women desperately asking for resources in order to maintain their appearance at their job (to minimize questions and maintain a "healthy" appearance), etc. And the overall bright light? Breast cancer organizations that send care packages of donated items that include body lotion, makeup and journals. Women desperately need a way to deal with this type of health and life devastation and it's frequently through an organization of people they do not know, who find a way to bring a bit of love and hope. Do lotion and journals solve any of this? No. But, I can't discount the fact that some women have that, and only that, to look forward to during this hell.
But, what about the single moms who need chemo and radiation and ALSO need a way to take care of themselves, maintain their jobs AND raise their children? What about the women who are pregnant at the time of diagnosis? What about the women battling whether or not they will ever become pregnant, as a result of their diagnosis and subsequent treatment? It's all too much to tackle, but I'm really feeling it and hoping to find a way, at the end of my hell, to contribute, even in the smallest of ways, to the women who will come after me or who will be dealing with this once again.
I'm lucky. And, somehow, I continue to wake up every day still feeling lucky. But, so, so many women are just not in this place. I maintain hope for the future, but know that things have to change in order for that hope to continue to be warranted. I'm hoping I end up strong enough at the end of this to help create that change.
xo.
I somehow slept way, waaaaay wrong a few nights ago and had a seriously jacked up neck and upper back for the last couple of days, so my husband surprise "forced" me into an appointment with my chiropractor (who also happens to be my childhood friend/classmate) the other day, which was the absolute best. I was in a lot of pain and was finally able to get some relief. The whole area was worked out even more during PT today and I have a lot more range of motion in my neck without the pain radiating into my back. Also, bonus, I now don't have to move my entire body when I really just want to turn my head... so my boobs are back to being the only part of my body currently functioning like a robot.
Today's physical therapy vibes are brought to you by Liz, Matt and Rory VB and their amazing care package. This shirt brings me ALL the slay power and their love and thoughtfulness are so appreciated in every way. Thank you.
I have my port placement on Monday and my cold cap situation is now all set up - just waiting on scheduling my actual first chemo, which will be late next week or very early the next. My mom is SO generously gifting me the cold caps for my treatment, which is huge. HUGE. It's such a hard road and the financial burden is such a roller coaster. Some days I feel totally comfortable and other days I'm told I need EVERYTHING and it becomes overwhelming. This is something completely taken off my plate and I could not appreciate it more.
I'm so happy for our amazing insurance and my own situation and so incredibly saddened by all of the instances where $$$ just seems to make things far more bearable. It's a simple fact of life and it's not a new concept, but I am so fortunate that I have not needed for anything throughout this process. This is so NOT the case for so many women going through exactly what I'm going through.
I'm not sure how to do it, yet, but my goal would be to determine a way to gift things like cold cap therapy, wigs, prosthetics, small grants for co-pays and child care, etc. in order to allow for women dealing with something so incredibly inhumane to, somehow, feel a bit human. This is an absolutely gruesome road to go down, but feeling any bit like yourself or like any part of your dignity has been maintained is crucial.
Without going into incredible detail, I have come in contact with women whose insurance doesn't cover what my insurance covers, whose family and friends are not in the picture, who cannot maintain minimal weekly co-pays on a regular basis, who do not have the support that I do or the options of care providers that I have. I have seen a couple of bare synthetic extensions sewed to pantyhose as a wig, every item you can imagine being used as a breast prosthesis, women desperately asking for resources in order to maintain their appearance at their job (to minimize questions and maintain a "healthy" appearance), etc. And the overall bright light? Breast cancer organizations that send care packages of donated items that include body lotion, makeup and journals. Women desperately need a way to deal with this type of health and life devastation and it's frequently through an organization of people they do not know, who find a way to bring a bit of love and hope. Do lotion and journals solve any of this? No. But, I can't discount the fact that some women have that, and only that, to look forward to during this hell.
But, what about the single moms who need chemo and radiation and ALSO need a way to take care of themselves, maintain their jobs AND raise their children? What about the women who are pregnant at the time of diagnosis? What about the women battling whether or not they will ever become pregnant, as a result of their diagnosis and subsequent treatment? It's all too much to tackle, but I'm really feeling it and hoping to find a way, at the end of my hell, to contribute, even in the smallest of ways, to the women who will come after me or who will be dealing with this once again.
I'm lucky. And, somehow, I continue to wake up every day still feeling lucky. But, so, so many women are just not in this place. I maintain hope for the future, but know that things have to change in order for that hope to continue to be warranted. I'm hoping I end up strong enough at the end of this to help create that change.
xo.
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